QUOTES AND OTHER MUSINGS FOR MON 4-18-11 and/or obama's TAX DAY (ROLL TRUMP ROLL)

• 1. Well, I am still alive, but as of yet, my procrastinating A$$ has NOT been to the hospital yet. I am VERY PI$$ED OFF that my YANKEE-FIED cable/internet company does NOT have ESPNU and NEITHER can I get http://www.espn3.com/ via my so-called high-speed internet, due to the fact that my YANKEE-FIED provider STILL has antique "cable-wires" made out of yankee mud or clay or something along those lines. Thus I was UNABLE to WATCH and/or even LISTEN to the ALABAMA A-DAY GAME this past SAT 4-16-11. Since my good friend and "buddy" JOHN LONGSHORE has a CRIMSON HOTLINE to HIS "buddy" HEAD COACH NICK SABAN, I am BEGGING that John PLEASE URGE the REAL-LIFE PERSONA of the NEW STATUE in TUSCALOOSA; to PLEASE RUN UP THE SCORE against the penn state cowardly lions on 9-10-11. Here is a hint for John, tell NICK YOUR BUDDY, to PRETEND cam newton is in the game. Let's make the score 240-0 this year. When are we getting the wisconsin badgers on the schedule. You heard it here first people. I am hereby "coining" the NICKname "NITTS" to refer to penn state from this day henceforth, thereby it be said by me thus :) Longshore, my birthday is 9-21. Send me 4 tickets and I PROMISE TO REPRESENT ALABAMA at State College in PA on 9-10-11. My grandfather took me to my very FIRST BAMA game when I was 12 and it just so happened to be the GOAL-LINE STAND GAME. How fitting it would be for me to POSSIBLY (depending on my health) to have my LAST BAMA GAME against the SAME TEAM at THEIR home field. I damn sure cannot afford to drive to T'TOWN anymore, dadgum it. I am only 90 miles away from State College. I could even GET THERE on the FRIDAY before the game, and be a SPORTS RADIO 740 phone-in reporter. I can walk around "Paterno-Ville" and ask the NITTS if they REALLY THINK they have a chance in HELL of pulling out an upset or even "covering" the spread. I could have an insiders BUDDY-HOTLINE to THE AWARD-WINNING PHANTOM also. hint, Hint, HINT, ALABAMA FOOTBALL - ENUFF SAID :) JAY VANs phone number is 334-782-3111. YES SIR, it STILL works up here in yankee-land. (only because IT IS WIRELESS, unlike my dadgum cable and internet). DAMN, I should get PAID for writing.




• 2. INSULT OF THE DAY: Your STUPID-A$$ is SOOO STUPID, you couldn't find your own A$$ with BOTH hands tied behind your back.




• 3. I have never watched the CW tv-show HELLCATS, but I DO LIKE the cheerleaders in the commercials. For a FREE HELLCATS RINGTONE goto: http://4in.fo/XifvQQ




• 4. "It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney -




• 5. "Your conscience is the part that still hurts when EVERYTHING ELSE feels just great." - Joe Namath -




• 6. As yall all know, JAY VAN is PSYCHIC, I bet BROADWAY JOE said THAT while partying with some HOT GIRLS. Just a theory :)




• 7. 45 people dead from the Tornados from the SOUTHEAST all the way up to North Carolina. Over 200 tornados reported. 3 dead from Autauga County in AL. Over HALF of the 45 dead are from NC. WOW. GLOBAL WARMING MY A$$. ALL TORNADOs are caused by COLD-FRONTS, which I so eloquently refer to as YANKEE-AIR. That is truly sad, my prayers are with the friends and families of those affected.




• 8. "Thine eyes shall see the KING in his BEAUTY: they shall behold the land that is very far off." - ISAIAH 33:17 -




• 9. "Magic is real and its all around us. We are just too blinded to stop and watch." - Stevie Wonder -




• 10. "If you yawn without covering your mouth, you are inviting evil spirits to enter your body." - Linda Blair -




• 11. For those that ARE STILL IN LOVE: Do you feel distant every now and then? It is normal. Focus on the memories of WHEN you FIRST fell in love with each other.




• 12. "Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom." - Samuel Coleridge -




• 13. ALABAMA STILL HAS 13 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS IN FOOTBALL. CONGRATS TO THE ALABAMA GIRLS GYMNASTICS TEAM for winning their 5th NC over the weekend. ROLL GIRLS ROLL :)




• 14. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Never be afraid to do something new. Amateurs built the ARK; professionals built the TITANIC. :) true, very true.




• 15. obama spent TONS of money doing a NATIONAL HEALTH CARE SURVEY which shows that 75% of our kids DO NOT get enough exercise. The obama "experts" are recommending 1 hour per day for exercise. Can anybody spell the word, DUHHHHHHHHHH???




• 16. JAY VAN says UNPLUG THEIR DADGUM TOYS AND MAKE THEM GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY. Probelm SOLVED :)




• 17. "Stand still and consider the WONDROUS works of GOD." - JOB 37:14 -




• 18. JAY VAN firmly believes in and stands by the KING JAMES VERSION of THE HOLY BIBLE, but when I get these BIBLE VERSES on a daily and weekly basis, they are NOT ALWAYS FROM the KJV, so please accept my apologies. If anyone WANTS the KJV of any particular verse, please let me know, and I will send it to you AS IT IS WRITTEN :)




• 19. If you drop your fork AND knife TOGETHER at the same time, it means that you will SOON have a VISITOR from FAR AWAY.




• 20. INSULT OF THE DAY: You SMELL soooo DADGUM BAD, you make your SPEED STICK HIT THE BRAKES! :)




• 21. "A handful of patience is worth MORE than a bushel of brains." - Dutch Proverb -




• 22. "The DEVIL has MANY tools, but A LIE is the handle that FITS them ALL." - Daniel Webster -




• 23. JAY VAN ponders how many AUBs (except Barry McKnight) or how many NITTs will figure out WHAT I just did in #22 above?




• 24. The current APR issue of UAB HEALTH is officially claiming that daily intake(s) of broccoli, green tea, and red grapes are VERY VITAL KEY ingredients in having a cancer-fighting diet.




• 25. POSITIVE THINKING: Forgiving those who have hurt you CAN be difficult, but the peace you receive from doing so is ASTONISHING.




• 26. This is TRUE, believe me it is. I KNOW it is TRUE because I read it on the internet...NEVER display an EMPTY picture frame, or EVIL SPIRITS will occupy that space. It is required by THE INTERNATIONAL INTERNET LAW that you place and put ALL empty frames FACE-DOWN. If you DONT, obama will make DADGUM SURE you are on the NO-FLY LIST.




• 27. "Life is FAR too important a thing to EVER talk SERIOUSLY about." - Oscar Wilde -




• 28. Private-Services Announcement from JAY VAN: Every day they are giving away $100.00 to TEN lucky girls that are either NEW MOMs or EXPECTING MOMs. Call 1-866-880-9631. If you can PROVE the baby belongs to JAY VAN, they will check the NATION-WIDE DATABASE and you will win $200.00 cash money. As GOMER PYLE says, "Lotsa luck to you and yours!" :)




• 29. Along those lines... JAY VAN has a LIMITED-TIME OFFER FOR GIRLS ONLY. Due to LIMITED QUANTITIES, JAY VAN IS OFFERING THIS TO GIRLS ONLY. repeat, Repeat, REPEAT, GIRLS ONLY. JAY VAN has the PERFECT teeth-whitener that works 100% of the time. For your FREE SAMPLE, please call JAY VAN at 334-782-3111, so we can schedule a consult. :) It has been TESTED on MANY lucky ladies, and it is PROTEIN-RICH AND most importantly it is NON-FATTENING. JAY VAN highly suggests that you TRY IT at least once per day, every day for 30 days FOR BEST RESULTS. You will ONLY get OUT OF IT, 100% teeth-whitening brilliance. NO NEED TO RINSE. JAY VAN has MANY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS and JAY VAN can PROVIDE SWORN TESTIMONIALS if needed. Let JAY VAN POLISH YOUR LUCKY MOUTH TODAY :) or tonight if you wanna see them GLOW in the DARK. :) :) :)




• 30. But WAIT, THERE's MORE... On a DAILY BASIS, there will be a RANDOM DRAWING like they do at http://www.sportsradio740.com/ THE LUCKY LADY OF THE DAY, if HER name is the one DRAWN; will get her TEETH-WHITENING PROCESS DONE FOR FREE on THAT DAY, and as a TAKE-HOME GIFT will be given the world-famous SLAP-CHOP FOOD PROCESSOR. YOU WILL LOVE YOUR WHITE TEETH AND YOU ARE GONNA "LOVE MY NUTS" ALL IN THE SAME DAY. CALL JAY VAN NOW TO AVOID THE RUSH. 334-782-3111. If you dont WIN today, you may PLAY AGAIN TOMORROW. DON'T GIVE UP GIRLS, DON'T EVER GIVE UP. YOU CAN DO IT. :)




• 31. "A hair on the head is worth two in the brush." - Unknown -




• 32. On a day in and day out basis, obama is FULL OF DUPLICITY.




• 33. "Blessed is the man who TRUSTS in the LORD and has made the LORD his hope AND confidence." - JEREMIAH 17:7 -




• 34. JAY VAN says to go ahead and treat yourself today. You DESERVE a WONDERFUL PRIZE for your commitments AND accomplishments.




• 35. It is VERY GOOD LUCK to see an animal sleeping on a doorstep.




• 36. INSULT OF THE DAY: Your Momma is SOOOO UGLY, when she entered the AUBURN UGLY WOMAN CONTEST, the AUB JUDGE, Barry McKnight, said to her, "Sorry, no professionals allowed!"




• 37. For THOSE of YOU that DO NOT know HOW to drink REAL COFFEE LIKE A MAN, if you QUIT going to BarStucks on a daily basis and put down that LATE LATTE'; you can SAVE about $1100.00 per year in CASH and SAVE 69,000 calories PER YEAR.




• 38. For the LADIES that just HAVE TO HAVE their BARSTUCKS on a daily basis, dont worry if your teeth get "coffee-stains". Please refer to #29 and #30 ABOVE for the REMEDY. DRINK ALL YOU LIKE LADIES :)




• 39. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are TRULY ENDLESS." - Mother Teresa -




• 40. JAY VAN is not sure if he mentioned this or not, but this past WED, APR 13th, was NATIONAL SCRABBLE DAY. Well, JAY VAN WON 1st PLACE in the WISCONSIN STATE SCRABBLE TOURNAMENT in the year 2000. I would LOVE to play ANYBODY with enough intestinal-fortitude to play me. I actually GOT TIRED of playing people and in kicking their A$$ all the time, that I have pretty much STOPPED playing. ANY TAKERS? BRING IT ON. I also am pretty adept at playing CHESS. I have ALLOWED others to WIN, just so they would play me again. INTELLIGENT GAMES are disappearing at an alarming rate. JAY VAN is http://www.boredwithit.com/ because our kids ARE NOT learning ANYTHING today that requires THINKING.




• 41. ADVICE for RUSTY and/or the I-man: A minute of silence is MORE powerful than an hour of talk. Rusty has the SAME DISEASE my 1st wife had: VOCAL CORDS.




• 42. The MAYO CLINIC has released a statement that usage of antibiotics to treat acne DOES NOT create drug-resistant bacteria. Hmm? I will have to do my own research on that to see if I believe it or not. The MAYO CLINIC is pretty smart though.




• 43. "I came that you may HAVE and ENJOY LIFE and have it in ABUNDANCE, until it OVERFLOWS." - JOHN 10:10 - 44. Well everyone, I have given you an ABUNDANCE of things to read and to think about for today, and to keep it from OVERFLOWING, I am done for today. POOF :)